8.6.2011 - i blame you

i have pink eye. alex says it is illogical, and that viruses cannot lie dormant for years and thousands of miles, but i say he is limiting nature too much. i'm sure it is your same disease, come back to haunt me and force me to wear glasses to teach, reliving the torments of being the awkward middle school girl with thick lenses once again.

i am home sick today cuz it's kind of the cardinal rule of schools that you don't go around kids with pink eye. or lice.

sigh.

sometimes i do NOT appreciate life's little ironies.

....

i do not want to put up a picture of my gross eye. i think i'll find something beautiful instead.

5.6.2011 - huggi forever

imagine if denali and finula had babies... this would be one of them, but i think the seeming sanity in the photo would be deceptive.

i don't know how you get this blog to space out your pictures. it bothers me that you can figure this out and i can't, not because i think you incapable, but because i know you are not any more tech-savvy than i am.

i am getting so excited to come home, and so very ready for the school year to be done. at the same time, i am already thinking about next year and my goals for it. i wonder if i ever will feel like my teaching matches up with my intentions; i find it interesting that as i get older i don't mind spending excessive amounts of time on lessons because i can't think of any better use for my time. i wonder if i really do want to spend the rest of my life in this field, and if not, at what point would i leave it.

i envy your fresh start and your enthusiasm. those are great days - soak them up!!! i think there are few things in life like the prospect of a great and difficult task that may at last enable you to make a mark on the world. hmmm, this will be a good conversation when i at last get back to you; i've thought long and often lately about whether i am doing enough with this one life i have. i wonder if everyone thinks about such things on mornings when one wakes up and thinks, 'wait? is this my life? how did i get here? and is it where i want to be?' most of the time i wake with that question and respond with happy disbelief - my life is so much more than i expected.
but on other mornings, the question is more daunting. my life is good, but is it all that it should be?

sometimes i wish desperately for the unhampered optimism of childhood. maybe that's why i like kids so much. and speaking of kids, isn't my newest nephew adorable?

Cheers To Life

So here I sit, amazed that it has been so long since I have done a post, what a horrible person I am. But also amazed that you will be out here so soon, we will be enjoying wine together, taking long walks, and talking about all the places- emotionally and physically- we have been since we saw each other in January. It does my soul good to think about seeing you.



I have so much going on inside of me that I cannot wait to share with you. Life has been whipping me in every direction over the past few weeks and my head feels a little dizzy, but my spirit feels intoxicated with adventure and inspiration. It is safe to say I have never been more excited about life then I am right now. Flowers are blooming, my heart is bursting with new life and excitement, and the best part is, is that it feels like it has only just begun.



Anyway, more on that when I see you next.... For now here are a few pictures from the last season. I realize how horrible I actually am at taking pictures when I am not doing it for this blog, ah well, now I will start taking more to share with you my friend.



I am happy to be back blogging and excited for more posts to come soon. Love you and thank you for your patience these last few months. You are a friend for the ages.

18.5.11 - creating questions

well, it has been over a month since i have gotten to read your words on this page.
i understand that life is busy, but kind of like the other blog alex and i started, i find it very hard to write without response.
should we take a break on the morning shares until your life settles down?
would you rather i keep writing even if you can't regularly? i don't mind, so long as you at least give me some indication that you are at least checking in...
miss you friend - when is a good time to call?

3.5.11 - questing for creativity

The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. - Sylvia Plath

i am trying to be creative, trying to believe that i have something worthwhile to add to the world. but it is oh so easy to think that i am vain/delusional/short-sighted to thnk so, and that it would be better just to be quiet. i think i finally understand what s. plath was saying.

today in writers' workshop we began to think on how to write suspense stories. if you haven't seen this animated short before, you should. it is Creepy good.

1.5.11 - anew

today's goals:
- blog
- make list of things to take to my new nephew in d.c
- make list of things to buy from target in d.c.
- sweep up the dust of mexico city that eternally coats my floors, turning xochi's white paws gray
- take a long walk through chapultepec park; buy a journal at the anthropology museum; find a good bench to sit on; write
- go to the market; buy salsa from the good salsa lady, veggies from the nice veggie man, chicken from any of the chicken guys, hope that the shoe guy is there to fix my shoe again
- make a big meal
- call 2 of the people i haven't talked to in ages; skype mark to see new house
- prepare for this week's classes

i <3 sundays

16.4.11 - semana santa

hey friend - just wanted to remind you that i will be out of blogging comission for the next week as am headed to los cabos to meet my parentals. i wanted to take a picture of my bags all packed and me waiting for the last 45 minutes before we have to go. i'm totally jazzed up, completely annoying, and i knew you'd understand the feeling. but my camera is already packed to, so this map of will have to suffice - we are staying at the very bottom, in san jose del cabo.

love you tons - i'll talk to you soon!

p.s. no news still on the job change. i hate waiting.

Hmmm...

I hate interviews for that reason, you feel good about them, but don't know how the interviewer felt, then you are just in limbo, waiting to see what comes. Ah the limbo.

I was wondering what you thought about the new French ban on women have facial coverings. I have thought a lot about it and am not totally sure where I stand. I think I am against it. What are your thoughts?
(and here is an interesting article if you want to read more about it- http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/apr/07/dont-follow-french-burqa-ban)

Hopefully there will be pictures on the blog again soon, just need my own stinking iphone. That would really help the cause.

Also, I like the picture you posted yesterday. This last week was the conference on world affairs and I went to a panel titled perception vs. reality. Your picture reminded me of it. Really, the panel was not very exciting, but the whole conference reminded me of you, and that was nice.

13.4.11 - a window, darkly

no news yet on the job; interview was good, but there are some hoops to be jumped through before it is a possibility...

there were a bunch of salvador dali scuptures at the museum on saturday... reminded me of my love for the surreal, especailly magritte. this has long been my favorite - called 'la condition humaine'

How Did It Go???

I hope that your day was better than mine today, I have been in such a funk since last night and I really hate that, but I am going to get a good night sleep tonight and try to revive these weary bones.

Also, read this today and it just confirmed my brilliance. So wise at such a young age. You were so lucky to have known me then.
http://www.admissions.college.harvard.edu/apply/time_off/index.html

Love you and lets catch up soon. Our last chat was not long enough!

11.4.10 - tomorrow

i am interviewing for that high school teaching position tomorrow. do me a favor and send prayers or thoughts my way for clear thinking - i really just want to make the right decision and not have another year like this one.

this picture was not taken today. but i like it. (if you can't tell, it is the headlight of the vw beetle in the museo del arte popular that you and i visited. it is covered in beadwork.)

Homeostasis

Forgive me, please. I don't really have an excuse for why I have not been blogging, I have theories why this gap has occurred. One theory is that you know when you get into a certain rhythm and you just do things naturally because that is the way you did them the day before and the day before that and before that, well I have have fallen out of that rhythm. I blame the vacation for this one. Then I came back and did not make it a part of my routine and here we sit, almost a month later and I am making up theories for why I have not been blogging.

But the truth is I am just really sorry. Today is my first effort to make up for that, although sadly I have no pictures to post because Z is out of town and I need his phone to take any pics. But this little splurt of words will be my first attempt at un-doing what I have done.

Today I went to Ideal Market, the grocery by my house and a miracle happened. They had brie cheese on sale for $1.80 per pound. Now, I know that you have been in Mexico for awhile and my guess is they do not eat a whole lot of brie, so you may not be familiar with how much of a steal this is, but let me tell you, this is amazing. So naturally what did I do, I bought two of them.

And now I am very happy.

Also today my financial aid came in. Yikes! That was a scary one. It is weird to see numbers that big and remember they are referring to money, I have never seen numbers like that in my savings account or my checking account or on a check, ah maybe someday.

And for my last thought of the day... a quote.
"Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."
G. K. Chesterton

I have been reading a bunch of kids books recently, I think my mind just needs something that I can push through quickly and that makes me dream. And yet I have been finding so much life in them. And so much about life. So much about how and why we love, where we can go, and that bravery is still something to be desired.

10.4.11 - art & eggs

those are my goals for the weekend.
yesterday we went to a new museum carlos slim just opened up, highlighting just some of the art/sculpture/artifacts you can afford if you are the wealthiest man in the world. it was amazing, and definitely a huge addition to the city. here's the link to the museum website and another to an article about it if you are interested... one of those things that makes me wonder what i would or could do if i were filthy rich.

today, i'm on the hunt for a new breakfast spot in the city. alex and i will be heading out shortly to explore our options... i'll let you know how we fare.

6.4.11 - hello?

are you out there still?
you are not on vacation anymore...
not in nursing school yet...
this isn't going to get any easier...
and i miss your voice in my days!

so get on the blog!!!!!!!

i'll be here. waiting on a bench :)

30.3.11 - our worst month ever

well, we have certainly fallen off the blogger track.
and renee took all the pictures while she was here, so i may never have proof of our time together.

but we did see whales. they are hard to photograph.

and, completely unrelated, i had a really awesome indian lunch today at that hare krishna temple close to my house. i'm totally taking you there, if you come back

19.3.11 - to the beach

I'm off to pick up renee soon, and nervous because i am silly and worry about messing things up when people come to visit. and i have to do all the spanish speaking - getting us from the airport to the bus station and then to acapulco without alex. it will be totally fine, but i am nervous.

can't wait for the beach tho'. next time you come visit we will definitely travel beyond the city.

p.s. hope you are holding up okay.

15.3.11 - mundane march

what is up with these days??? i just cannot get motivated or proactive or even, frankly, excited. i'm not unhappy, not sad, not exhausted. just kind of . . . bored. i need a change of pace, and i'm so glad renee is coming on saturday to give me a chance and an excuse to get out of my current routine.

(this wooden cervantes was in the last hotel we stayed at. he looks how i feel.)

somedays, i wish days were only hours

do you ever feel like you have days that get in a rut and they just won't get out? i am having one of those days. it feels foolish, to have these days, especially when you know that deep down things are really good and going to work out in the end, but for now they just seem stripped, naked, and sad.

i am not even sure what caused this sad day today, maybe it is because i missed my morning walk because of the horrible wind, or maybe it was the classes that seemed useless and vacant, or maybe it is the fact that z. and i found out we are not making enough money and are going to have to go into debt for our trip to san fran (which makes us feel like children and foolish and unwise). all these things they have just added up, and now here i sit.

i felt so good before about our trip, we finally felt like adults, going away together, and we thought we had worked out all the details so we would have enough money and now it all just feels like a spiral. spinning down. i am tired of feeling like a child, like i will never make the right decisions, like i will never be good enough for this world. i know that seems dramatic, but really that is how i feel. no matter how hard i try, now matter how much we save, no matter how little we go out, no matter how hard we fight, it just never feels good enough.

sorry this has been a downer of a post. i am sure tomorrow will feel better, i am sure i will feel better tonight, but for now i just feel heavy and burdened.

9.3.11 - good times

so good to talk with you on the phone this evening.
nice to realize that you have been here, with me, and taken photos of flowers.
but also great to know that you are just a phone call away and can refresh my evening with just a short convo.

love ya.

the day before lent

I feel like I am pained with this questions every year, do I or do I not participate in Lent? It always seems like a good idea at the time and then two weeks into it I am tired and have lost sight of the point. And then there is always the question, what do I give up? It generally always comes back to sugar, but I think that is just because I am using it as an excuse to try to loose weight, which I don't really think is the purpose. So, I think this afternoon I will take a long walk and try to clear my head on the subject and then dive into whatever I decide. But first tonight I will be going out for a little Fat Tuesday gathering with some friends, and there will be no holding back tonight, then we will see what the morning brings.

how to be a poet?

been thinking a lot about what it means to be a poet right now, in this day in age, as i go to nursing school, as i live in marriage with my husband, as i go to church, as i laugh and as i cry. i don't really know the answer, but i do know that there is a grace that comes over me when i write and when i read and when words spill out of me like i never knew they could. so, i think i will take the next 10 years and try to do it better than i have in the last 10 years. and then, maybe i will emerge with a better understanding of what it means to be alive, what it means to dream, and what it means to write... at least i hope so.

but for the meantime here is my newest one, let me know what you think, i am thinking about sharing it with some people on good friday. need your suggestions.

Of restless nights
And wondering still-
Is this cheap, the water
That runs of my skin
With a dampened sigh?

I want to believe you
Knew. And when you dream
Of us, soft and broken,
But standing, still
You see a wholly plan.

We, who water the
Ground with our tears,
We who dance,
We who are forced
To feel life young.

Sullen ground calls to spring
Out of the earth, something green,
Then I can see,
You are the vine
Wrapping around me.

Question the branch, question
The vine, but don't
Forget to remember everything you've seen.
Tell me, was it ever really love
When you completely understood?

Love you friend.

6.3.11 - last weekend

today promises to be unexciting - i don't feel terrible, but i'm still going to take it easy so i don't miss any school.


but last weekend in san miguel de allende, my mornings were lovely.

throughout our time we killed many pleasant moments in the hotel courtyard, reading books or newspapers in the morning, drinking beer and playing cards in the evening. not bad for the cheapest hotel i have ever stayed at (excluding hostels).

sunday we took fresh juice and bread to the center square, and sat in the shade of the gazebo.


saturday we spent in a delightful french cafe, sipping really good coffee, eating croissants and taking photos of passers-by.

good times.

5.3.11 - and out of sync again

i had such hopes for today.
even planned my blog post - all about how i think no good project every really gets accomplished unless there is a list.
and then i forgot to post on the blog, got halfway through my list of chores and started to feel like poop. been sick ever since.
and its a friend's birthday tonight and we were supposed to kareoke and i have never seen alex sing kareoke and am really sad.
am trying to make myself feel better with pirated dvds, good books, and ginger ale - which are, in fact, helping.

miss you.

4.3.11 - returning to self

i have been so bad about getting up early in the morning - and just so lethargic in general. school is so much easier these days, but i also don't have the same drive to get up and be better and better.
so i hit the snooze button and take showers in the evening and manage to get up and out the door in 20 minutes. it's ok i guess, but not really the way i like to start the day.

so i'm trying to improve, and today's bagel and tea are my step forward.

on a more springy note, it is truly strange here to feel like spring has already come. someone said with the purple trees blossom, that's the sign. they bloomed two weeks ago and now the birds are up and at it early every morning and i no longer wear a coat to work. crazy.
it is nice - but then again i also miss fireplaces and warm blankets to snuggle in and soft carpets and snow. so enjoy your cold if you can!!!

finally, because i forgot to tell you, the book i read was called "the guernsey literary and potato peel pie society." its good and fast if you want.

spring shopping

as the snow comes rolling in over the foothills i am denying it by looking at the new anthropologie mag. there are some seriously awesome clothes in here and i am forgetting the cold by dreaming of wearing these pieces. i think i should probably buy a new dress for graduation...



i am so ready for spring, our house gets so cold in the winter, but it is so perfect in the summer. plus there are all the good things that go along with summer, like seeing you! my husband is brining in fire wood right now, and i don't think these sandals are actually appropriate for the weather right now, but soon they will be! have a good spring day and think of me here in the cold.

task of the day....

might seem weird, but laundry is a good thing to get your butt up and going, then you get to fold the warm laundry, and that helps when you are real cold.





also, i like to put henri under the laundry basket, especially when he is crazy and running all over the place and trying to bite my laundry. it works and he actually likes it.

1.3.11 - no kittens

xochi is getting her womanhood removed today.
i'm trying not to worry about it.

instead i spent my free moments at school googling the name xochitl - found some interesting stuff.

http://www.samaelgnosis.us/aztec_calendar/day_20_xochitl_flower.html


i'll post a picture of my poor sterile kitty later if she is not too embaressed.

take two

this morning, i thought since the sun was shining and it was not too cold i would leave a little early for school and take a nice long walk. i love the mornings because as i set out on a walk i am always a little chilly, i have to keep my hands in my pockets and my coat zipped all the way up. but by the time i am half way into my walk it starts to warm up a little. the chilliness wears off and my hands emerge from their warms caves and the morning is inviting and enchanting.




but the beauty of these walks is that you first have to face the cold before you get to experience the greatness of the morning. but it is always worth it. and it makes the cold of the winter worth it, to feel the warmth of experience.

late winter blues

i feel them coming on, you know what i mean. it is that time of winter where sometimes you just take a shower in the middle of the day because you feel so tired of being cold, i am tired of being cold.
so what do you do to cure the late winter blues, i don't really know. but this week is dedicated to finding that out. each of my posts this week will focus on something i did to cure my tiredofcoldness problem.

today: lamb meatballs over polenta. i know, kinda lame, everyone cooks something warm and yummy to cure the problem. but it worked, so i am complaining. so i pulled out some old cookbooks, filled through them, and came up with an amazing meal.

sadly, i forgot to take a picture of it, and i tried to find the cookbook i used, but my computer no longer copies and pastes, so you are stuck with yet another post with no pics. sorry. tomorrow i will awake refreshed though and come up with some more (hopefully slightly more creative) ideas on how to wash away the winter blues.

hope you had a good trip, cannot wait to hear about it.

plans...

April 5, 2011. Meet you by the fountain. How amazing would that be?

culinary adventures

last night hannah and i made a lovely gluten free/dairy free meal. we cooked until 10:30 i think, accompanied by wine and laughter it was a really lovely night. and today i am tired. but it was well worth it.

also, i am reading this kids book and love it so far. totally going to give it my sis when i am done.

(sorry, meant to put a pic here, but could not get one. the book is hoot and it is great).
also what was the name of the book you just read? something about sweet potatoes?

24.2.11 - old

i played in a student v. teacher soccer game two days ago.
it was really fun - i forgot how much i love soccer and feel at home on the field. it is a big piece of me, one of the few places where i feel completely comfortable and competent. and when i'm not playing or coaching, that piece just gets kind of left out... not really sure what i mean by that, it just got me thinking about the parts of us that people don't know and how sometimes those are the parts that are the most revealing. also, it made me wonder about megann and how she is coping post-basketball.

anyhoo.

now, two days later, i am really sore. it feels kind of good - like the old days - but it also makes me feel old.

p.s. no pictures of this exist - thankfully.

21.2.11 - aspirations

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-12522848

can you imagine being the voice behind a revolution?
what does it take to make that voice heard?
and if i could ever do the same thing, what cause would i rally my passions behind?

p.s. i can't believe you told renee that my hair was awful. that hurts.

19.2.11 - i love nook

and saturdays. i also love saturdays.

am struggling with yet another birthday decision. i want to send ian a nice copy of the hobbit - he is turning eleven next week - but i always fear being the boring aunt, who only sends books and socks. but they have soooooooooo maaaaaany toys. its tough.

what do you think?

p.s. zac and sara just came on my ipod - miss you both!

build it up

/Users/zachsparks/Pictures/iPhoto Library/Modified/2009/Feb 23, 2009/IMG_0174.JPG

it is the simple things in life. like a jenga game, or a nap, or a kitten named henri. miss enjoying the simple things with you.

17.2.11 - friends, friends, friends

i rediscovered flight of the conchords today.
and i am glad we are friends.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgCLAc5cndg&feature=fvst

lots of love (even though it is belated)

Happy late Valentines day. I love you. Just as you are. Would not change a thing about you.

monday again

sorry i have been crap at posting, z has been gone and that means i don't have a camera, but i'm back!!! also, sorry i have not been able to call you, this has been my life over the last few days, but starting tomorrow the schedule gets a little more free, so i will ring you then.

13.2.11 - classic shot #2

did we see any of these guys while you were here? i really like their baskets and weavings, and i really love how much stuff they manage to tote around. i finally worked my courage up enough to take a picture of one (i always feel guilty and demeaning when i take pictures of strangers cause they look picturesque.) i like the way this turned out, and hopefully he didn't mind.

12.2.11 - classic shot #1

this weekend i plan on doing very little. i am tired, and we spent too much money the past two months. so not much photo-worthiness is likely to come out of it.

therefore, i will give you my nominations for classic moments from our trip to oaxaca. let me know which you like best.

Number One: Clown Feet/Scared shit-less Feet.

You know I hate clowns right?
Well. alex conned me into posing for a shot while a clown walked up behind me. this picture is of my feet, i think, cuz he was laughing too hard to focus. i, on the other hand, was frozen - my usual fear response - and willing the evil mexi-clown not to come near me. thankfully, he did not.

11.2.11 - new shoe/old shoe

today, i got my shoe fixed finally.
an old man worked on it for 15 minutes,
sewed it up with yellow thread,
and charged me 20 pesos.

we had just eaten tacos at the same place we first took you and zach too.

i was completely happy!!!

new places, old faces

http://www.westword.com/locations/pizzeria-locale-1623656/

when you come to colorado this summer i am going to take you here, it is nothing short of amazing and you will love it. a) they have wine on tap b) the pizza reminds me of italy c) best butterscotch pudding you have ever tasted d) i like to share my favorite places with you.

4/2-7/2/11 - oaxaca

sorry to have disappeared.
i was lost in a city with cafes overlooking cathedrals,
dancing and music in the street,
and some fabulous benches.

wish you could've been there too.

monday's are fun days

are you doing ok? i have not heard from you or talked to you or seen you on the blog or online for awhile. miss you. call you tomorrow.

the weekend

it is sunday night, i am cuddled up by the fire after a long, amazing weekend. i seriously cannot remember the last time i laughed this much in one weekend. i feel thankful today for my little life in boulder. for my husband. for my family. for my cat. for my friends. but mostly for all the love i feel from these various streams that flow into my life. it feels good to have a home. a place i know i belong. even if it is just for now. i am at rest.

Henry is not smart enough for the outdoors!

Poor Zach has suffered some wounds from trying to rescue Henry from the tree. But thankfully both my men are safe in the house now, and will not be allowed to go back outside for quite some time.

talk of inspiration

And then what happens if I am like that fish-
Caught by a hook and pulled up by a boat,
Eyes wide open, fear pushing in,
And the weight becomes too much and
I lay there still, forgetting to fight.

And what if this world, we soon learn,
Was made in all perfection, which
Somehow included me, and you and the fish.
And we are who we have always been, since
first light- yet we talk of change-
does the fading moon want change, does the lilly,
does the fish? Is there even any choice?

And yet we long for that day, the one that is
Always not that far off, but impossible to reach-
The one where unquestionable desire, becomes
A visible stream, and the fish, with more strength
Than ever dreamed, ends with a splash.